Protecting my Stuffed Horse

Kate and Stephie Closeup
Kathryn (on the right) is almost three, and a little obstinate lately. Not terrible – she is an eager to please child, funny, and beautiful (biased mom that I am). However, lately she has taken to obeying when and if she good and well feels like it. She has also entered the “MINE!” stage…including every variation thereof (It’s MY turn!; It’s MINE!; No! MINE!)

Well, today, I was packing us up for a vacation we will be taking, and on her bed was a new package of diapers for her baby sister, Stephanie. Kathryn picked them up and brought them out to the kitchen, and stood on top of them and said “I’m surfing!” (I honestly don’t know where she picked that up — we don’t surf, read about surfing, watch surfing or talk about surfing.) So I laughed and then told her to bring the diapers back to the bedroom.

They suddenly became too heavy to carry. “It’s too heabby, mom.” And she grabbed her stuffed horse and made for the den to play. I wavered for a moment. Do I just let it go and take the diapers into the room myself? They were a little bit heavy for a little girl to carry. Then I realized that she carried those “heabby” diapers all the way to the kitchen, she surely was strong enough to carry them back. So I called her and told her again – “Take the diapers back to the bedroom, Kathryn.”
Kathryn fooling around

After the third command, she finally realized I was serious (a blow to my “immediate obedience” philosophy). But by that time, her little sister Stephanie crawled into the kitchen and immediately went for the stuffed horse, which opened the floodgates for Kathryn’s fierce protection of her toy. “No! It’s MINE! MY TURN!” Meanwhile, I was still looking at Kathryn expecting her to obey the diaper request. So she looked at me, glared at Stephanie, and tried to pick up the diapers along with her big stuffed horse so Stephie couldn’t get to it.

Now that was too much for her to handle. She struggled for a few seconds more before putting everything down, and then bringing the horse to me for protection from her invading sibling. Then she, with relief, quickly took the diapers back to the bedroom.

I shook my head and tried to remember what I was doing before that episode. My ABBA tapped me on the shoulder and asked “Do you have a stuffed horse preventing you from obeying ME immediately?”

Hm. There are many assets that I try to protect when God asks for my obedience. I can’t do both – I have to give my assets to Him to hold for me, while I go do what He asks. I risk a spanking if I struggle to do both for too long.

A good example is my struggle not to go back to work. I love being a stay at home mom. It is something I have always said I would do if the Lord ever let me have children. But now we are always so close to broke! So periodically I think – If I would just go back to work, things would be ok. I have worked for the last 15 plus years, and it has always been a source of comfort and control for me. Protecting my stuffed horse. (Lest there be any misunderstanding, let me state here, that I believe that the Lord has NO direct commandments in Scripture about whether or not mothers should or should not work outside the home. This is simply my own agreement with Him).

If I allow myself to dwell there too long, I end up doing a poorer job mothering my children and caring for my husband, which for now is my full time job. So, I have to give my assets (financial in this case) to the Lord for him to hold while I obey. It is really interesting the relief that I feel once I realize that His capable hands are holding the things that I care about, allowing me to obey with freedom and abandon.

I don’t think I ever did finish what I was working on, but somehow it doesn’t really matter right now.

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12 Responses to “Protecting my Stuffed Horse”

  1. Simone Says:

    I read your story of why you chose adoption over abortion and I am the mother of 3 beautiful adopted biracial children one of which came from the same situation as what happened to you and I just want to say THANK YOU for making the RIGHT decision to carry your daughter and give her life, you are a strong woman who is blessed by the looks of it and will have favor with GOD for doing what you did. I just cried when I read your story. Thank you for sharing it.

    Simone

  2. Paula Says:

    I stumbled upon your story about why you chose adoption over abortion and just wept. Thank you for sharing how you received such grace, I was incredibly blessed by the whole article. Love your blog as well! God bless you!
    Paula

  3. patty lebedzinski Says:

    My treasures are all five grown up and gone. I know it is so hard to find the ‘fun” and the “necessities” in the stay-at-home job of Mom. I promise the safety of life and soul for these tiny ones and the foundation they have to return to, is priceless. I should know ,I walked those roads and choose the wrong path out of “necessity.” They say I was a good mom; but the reality is -I could of done a better job— if I had just focused on the end result!
    The philosphers say there are always ONLY two paths;
    1-The end results will determine your actions
    2- Your actions determine the end results.

  4. Christy Says:

    Thank you for writing that article about choosing adoption. I hope it will help more women to be freed up to share their own stories.

  5. Christy Says:

    Your kids are so cute!

  6. Darcie Gudger Says:

    Your article on msn.com touched me deeply. My husband and I are parents b/c a young 18 yr old who suffered the same horrific crime chose life. Our son Kyle, is the most beautiful baby in the entire world. God made him exceptionally beautiful to show that even in the case of rape, He can bring about extreme beauty.

    I urge you to continue to share your story. Women who make the same choice as you should be branded as heroes. Kyle will know his birthmom, Angela, is a true hero.

    I’m thanking God for you this very moment and pray He will bless you and your daughter beyond your wildest imagination!

  7. Kara Says:

    I was very moved by your article on MSN. It reminded me so much of Francine Rivers’ book “Atonement Child.” That book, along with some other circumstances involving a relative, inspired a song I’ve titled BABY. It’s on my webpage at SongU if you’d like to listen to it. Thank you for being bold in sharing your story. You have begun a great legacy for all of your children.

  8. Lauren Says:

    I too read your article on adoption vs. abortion and was incredibly amazed to see such truth on a site like msn. Thank you for being such an inspiration to so many people. You have made me want to adopt even more when I’m older, but more importantly to love those in a similar situation to yours.

  9. Burgess Says:

    Thank you for your story of adoption. I am a mother of 1 and would some day like to adopt. It is only because of people like you that others can experience the same joy that I have and hope to have again in having a child to raise and love. Thank you for your story and your love for that little spirit who wanted to come to Earth.

  10. Melissa Says:

    Thank you for your story about choosing adoption. I am thrilled that MSNBC put it on its home page.

    God is using you to touch the lives of so many women! Don’t be surprised when you are greeted in heaven by the hundreds or thousands of people whose lives you saved. Bless you!

  11. Donna Says:

    Wow. What a courageous woman you are to tell your story. All children are a choice to keep or abort. My third was a difficult decision as a poor family. I trusted God as you did and was blessed beyond belief with an amazing child. Thank you for telling your story and for making the choices you have made to make a difference in society. You are truly a child of God. Sincerely, Donna Wild of Loveland, CO dgailmac@hotmail.com

  12. Tom Mellon Says:

    I happened across your article about your choice to give up your baby to adoption rather than give her death. I too was adopted from a young women I never met, who too was unwed. My adoptive parents were wonderful people who were childless at age 40 & 36 and chose to give me a loving Christian home.

    I am 66 years old have 6 children who so far have produced 15 grandchildren. Just think of all the “unlife” there would have been, if my birth mom hadn’t done what you did.

    When my wife & I were 35 we had two children. I was expounding to someone at that time that “two kids were enough.” God spoke to my spirit saying, “who says?” We heard Him, threw away our pills and proceed to have 4 more children in 4 years (1 set of twins). Just think of all the “unlife” there would have been, if we hadn’t obeyed that “who says?”

    By-the-way my 6 kids all follow the Lord & it seems likely that the grandkids will as well. So all of us together (29) make a very nice addition to the kingdom of God due to that young lady who chose to give me life.

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